Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!.Giv es a shek n calm es down mam eh!Been a propper stress hed latley n a duno y?constantly on me high horse,sick of the sound of my own voice.u used 2 mek me c de funny side wen a was lyk dis,but ow do i do that wen i dont laugh anymore,well not laugh like i did wen u were ere.a think de only time iv propper laughed til my stomache ached,eyes strolled wid tears n a cud nt get up off de floor was wen me n our ron were teken a trip down memory lane.u lit both of our life up mam a swear,never a dull moment wid u around.life is still hectic as eva but it was neva as serious as this,a worry ova things id never av dreamed of now.where is that care free debbie a was,a reckon u took her wid u n left a stress hed behind.lookin back now i realise that although things always went wrong,we sorta took it in our stride n didnt let it get us down.do u know that as long as u were by my side id av took the world on without a doubt in my mind and a wud av still been left standen!.....my mam, my best friend,my rock and my saftey net all in 1.no 1 on this earth cud take your place wid me ron or the kids,me n ron are there 4 each other n always will b but that dont fill the gap u left,a luv him 2bits mam n al always be behind him every step of the way,wetha he s right or wrong im on his side but duno if we cud tek de world on lyk we cud wid u. In 1 way ,im not as strong as i was,then i try n tell me sel i must be stronger than i thought n if i can get through losing u,i can get through anything!i didnt think id survive this long wid out u picking me up wen i fell. I hear the words our ron said not long after u died,he sed "just gota keep jumping them hurdles sis,i promise al pick u up if u fall!" Them words will stay wid me 4eva(how eva long that may be?) Another thing he said one night was " its just a race for life sis..." -"i know " he said. "we should finish it 3legged then we dont lose eachother!!" haha he cracks me up at times,ud be so so proud of him if u cud c him now mam,n wen we av a real heart 2 heart i can c how much it kills him not avin u around.A few week ago he said something that will stay with me forever, when we were talking after id been 2 a spiritualist one night and it broke my heart in 2,he said "u know deb,id give anything ,just 2 even smell her hair..." i was heart broken and speachless because i think i thought that i was the only person who thought things like that ,even 2 this day i pick your clothes up n bury my face in them with all hope that a can get the slightest smell of u.but god luv him,i think right after u died i went in2 auto pilot 4a few days ,probably coz a ad 2 4 the kids ,n luckily thats wen ron sorta crumbled so i was sorta being strong 4 ron n kids.then after ye funeral it hit es lyk a brick n i started 2 fall apart so ron took ova being the strong 1 n if truth b known stil is.av kept telling me sel u d b shouting "pull ye sel 2getha 4 the kids sake,n 2 stop being so selfish ".and av dun me best mam,honest ,straight from me heart ,i av tried wid everything av got in me since u died to do things we used 2 do n b as close 2 the mam u were 2 us as i cud be.i just prey av dun u proud mam coz iv lost count off the times i cud av laid down n died wid u.any way u know these 4 ,they cud keep any1 garn eh mam?haha.